If you have a toddler, you have most likely been asked the standard question, "Is she potty trained yet?" Even more likely is that your answer is no! Ultimately toilet learning will not be achieved unless your child is ready. This usually occurs when a child is 18 to 24 months of age. However, it is not uncommon for a child to still be in diapers at 2 and a half to 3 years of age.
Most kids don't start potty training until they're at least 2 years old. In fact, recent statistics show that at least a third of all American children are still in diapers after their 3rd birthday. Developmentally, kids are all over the map: Some kids are ready and eager to start as early as 18 months, while others show zero interest until they're three or four years old.
More important than your child's age are a number of other factors: Can he stay dry for at least three hours during the day? Is he able to understand and follow simple directions? Does he seem interested in "big-kid" activities, such as brushing his teeth, cleaning up his toys, and using the toilet? If so, he may be close to ready.
Other important signs of your child's readiness include:
*being able to follow simple instructions
*understands words about the toileting process
*can regulate the muscles responsible for elimination
*can signal that their diaper is wet or soiled
*expresses a need to go (verbally or through sign)
*keeps a diaper dry for three or more hours
*can get to the potty on her own
*can take off diapers or pull down underpants with minimal assistance
*wakes up dry from naps and/or in the morning
Your toddler may be showing all the signs of readiness, but did you know that you also have to be completely ready for the toilet learning process? You truly need to have the energy, patience, and time it takes to commit to this important adventure. After initial preparation and to officially begin this process, you will need to devote an intensive three to five days to your child and his toilet learning. Then, after the initial learning phase, another two to three months of continued effort on your part will be required.
We all know parenting is not easy. Getting through this developmental milestone is one great example of just how hard it is! An experienced mother of four once told me, "Being toilet trained is such an overrated accomplishment. Diapers are so easy in comparison to cleaning up after accidents, reminding them to go potty every hour, not to mention using public rest rooms! Yuck!"
If you have made the commitment to work with your child on a daily basis so that he or she can master their toilet learning skills, the next thing you are probably thinking is, "How do I actually go about potty training?" Good question! Both of you are showing signs of readiness. Here's what's next:
To Prepare:
Introduce the Concept:
*Allow your child to be present when you go to the bathroom; let them see urine and bowel movements in the toilet.
*Allow your child to observe, touch and become familiar with the toilet.
*Let your child play with flushing the toilet.
*Read books about potty time. (See below for recommendations.)
Encourage Independence:
*Buy an attachment for your bathroom's light switch so that your child can turn the light on and off without help.
*Support your child as they learn to undress and dress themselves when using the bathroom and throughout your normal daily activities.
*Encourage good hygiene and teach your child how to wipe themselves. (This is a higher level skill that will need supervision for a few years.)
*Buy a step stool for reaching the toilet and sink for hand washing and teeth brushing.
Other helpful tips:
*Consider placing a potty chair or seat on each floor of the house if you live in a multilevel home.
*Make the bathroom a fun place. Add special toilet only books and games to your routine.
*Stay with your child when he or she is on the potty chair. Reading or talking to your child when he or she is sitting on the potty may help your child relax.
*If you are training a boy, teach him how to stand and aim into the toilet. Some boys have been so impressed with this technique that they almost automatically potty train.
IMPORTANT: If your child does not seem interested or resists- STOP!! Do not force the issue. Just try again in a few weeks.
How do I teach my child to use the toilet?
First, be patient and supportive. After your child has become comfortable with the bathroom, with flushing the toilet, and with sitting on the toilet, you may begin teaching your child to go to the bathroom. Keep your child in loose, easily removable pants. Tell your child that when they need to go potty they need to tell you. Teach them the words or sign you want them to use. Place your child on the toilet whenever he or she signals the need to go to the bathroom. At first you must be aware of your child's nonverbal signs. Your child's facial expression may change when he or she feels the need to urinate or have a bowel movement. Most children have a bowel movement once a day, usually within an hour after eating. Most children urinate within 15 minutes of waking and an hour after having a large drink.
If you and your child are ready truly ready, now is the time to start potty training. Once you truly start though, you can not go back. Tell your child that diapers are for babies and that he or she is not a baby anymore. Go to the store and let your child pick out new "big kid" underwear. When you get home let your child throw away a few of their old diapers and help him put on his underwear. There is no going back. From now on your child will wear underwear.
I know what you are thinking, and yes the first few days are going to be hellish! You will clean up a lot of pee and do a lot of laundry. But this is the most effective way to teach your child how to eliminate in the appropriate place. It is important not limit your child's fluids, except an hour or two before sleeping. Your child will need to experience the feeling of the pee a few or even several times in order to understand the cause and effect of his body; you feel pressure, you let the urine out and it gets all over you unless you get to the potty in time.
If your child has an accident do not quickly rush them to the potty. You want to teach them to go before not after the have had an accident. Also, try not to change them into dry clothes right away. They need to experience the uncomfortable wetness that happens when you wet yourself. This is a learning process that may take several days. The first few days you should probably stay home, but I encourage you to go on small outing so your child can feel what it feels like to have underwear on. For example, the car seat straps will need adjusting, and using a public restroom in a totally different experience. These will all be new experiences for you and your child.
Things to avoid:
*Do not punish your child when he or she has an accident.
*Do not constantly remind or ask your child to use the potty. This may create undue pressure, and typically is met with resistance from the child.
(Note: This is also not toilet learning, this is getting your child to sit on the potty every five minutes and hopefully catching a pee before they go in their pants!)
*Do not make your child sit on the toilet against her will.
Finally, if your child is not toilet trained within 3 months, consult your family doctor to rule out any medical issues. The reason that your child has most likely not learned to use the potty is that he or she is simply just not ready. Do not get discouraged. Soon enough diapers will be a thing of the past and you will be wishing it did not all go by so fast.
Cherish these times with all of your heart, even if they do stink!
Recommended Potty Time Books
"You Can Go to the Potty" by William Sears, M.D., Martha Sears, R.N. and Renee Andriani (Illustrator)
"Everyone Poops" Written and illustrated by Taro Gomi
"Too Big for Diapers" Sesame Street Series
"First Experiences: It's Potty Time" by Holtzbrinck Publisher
Mother, early childhood educator, parent counselor, and author, Colleen Newman is degreed in Early Childhood Education and Psychology. She spent several years teaching preschoolers before the birth of her first child. As a new mother, Newman enjoyed breastfeeding and taking care of her son so much that she decided that she wanted to share her love for children and her natural parenting finesse with other parents. My Baby and More Parent Coaching and Educational Services, a home-based business started by Newman, was created in 2005. My Baby and More provides parents with the education and support of positive parenting and natural parenting methods such as breastfeeding, babywearing, and attachment parenting through one-on-one phone, email, in-home and office consultations, seminars, and classes. Newman is also a Breastfeeding Counselor for WIC and holds a certificate as a Certified Happiest Baby Educator from Dr. Harvey Karp’s Happiest Baby Program. Her latest work Near Mama's Heart, a children's book about breastfeeding has been named an instant classic.
